DIS' 'n' DAT

FDC Time Capsule Special Report

In an report exclusive to DIS' 'n' DAT, Sean's staff, known as the Future Disney Cabinet (FDC) have put together a time capsule. Instead of having the capsule opened in the future, Walt Disney Imagineering has found a way of sending a time capsule into the past and has sent it to DIS' 'n' DAT.

A plaque on the outside of the capsule states cryptically:

"A dream is a wish your heart makes. Under the sea, someday my prince will come. When you wish upon a star, give a little whistle: you can fly! A friend like me, following the leader who's afraid of the big bad wolf. I wanna be like you, baby mine, little April showers whistle while you work."

"Live, from the Disney/MGM studios in the former Sydney Opera House in Australia, it's the premier episode of... The Disney Channel Improv Nite show, with the Not Ready For ToonTown Players..."

[Caricatures of the people are shown as their names are mentioned...]

"Sol Foster... Jeffrey Hellmers... Sherline Lee... and Tim Pickett! Our special musical guest Jodi Benson!

[Caricature of Jodi Benson as a mermaid. Red hearts form over Tim Pickett's caricature]

"Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your host... Amberle Ferrian!"

[Thunderous Applause - Amberle walks on stage. She is a toon, looking remarkably similar Belle (with Snow White's dress). Applause dies down after a minute or so.]

"When the Walt Disney FDC asked me here to host this show, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, a world television premier, being shown around the world on all five continents, originating from the former Sydney Opera House..."

[Polite applause from the former residents of Sydney]

"And they wanted me to do it!"

[Big applause]

"Of course, I said `No'..."

[Laughter]

"because I still have this wonderful hit on Broadway with my partner, Tim Rice..."

[Applause]

"called, `What's The Name Of That Beast Again, Please?', which is in its fifteenth record-breaking month..."

[Big applause - Superimposed over Amberle is the legend Shameless Plug

"Well, anyway, after I turned them down, FDC Chief Sean Squire..."

[Thunderous applause at Sean's name]

"called to have lunch with me, and brought over his head Imagineer, who pointed this device at me. It went `ZAP!' and then this happened to me!"

[She gestures at herself as a toon - audience laughs]

"Isn't it amazing what Disney Imagineering can do, nowadays, huh? Well, they said that they would not turn me back into a human until after I hosted the show..."

[Knowing laughter from the audience]

"So here I am. Actually, I have been thinking of remaining a toon, but then I figured it was going to feel a bit funny back in New York sitting at Sardis and having people notice that I look exactly like my caricature..."

[Raucous laughter from the audience]

"Anyway, we have a wonderful show lined up for you. Our musical guest is Jodi Benson..."

[Applause]

"who is going to sing a duet with our own Tim Pickett called `There's a Hole On The Bottom Of The Sea'..."

[Laughter - Tim comes out and dumps a bucket of water on Amberle. Applause]

"YIKES! That's cold!"

[Amberle walks over to an old-fashioned wash bucket with a wringer, puts herself through the wringer, emerges flat and dry, and then pops back into her normal toon self]

"Much better. One of the benefits of being a toon. So... what else do we have in store for you on this show? Let's see... `A Visit Into The Dark Side of Toon Town' containing those characters you never see in any of the Roger Rabbit movies... you know, the ones from Hanna-Barberra..."

[Big laughter]

"and Don Bluth..."

[Entire audience silent... murmurs of "Don Who?" are heard]

"And a film by Tim Burton. So, stay tuned and we'll be right back."

The surprising success of the animated feature is most likely due to the publicity surrounding the alleged vandalism of some 3,000 prints of the film.

Walt Disney FDC Chairman Sean Squire has announced that the company was going to perform an internal investigation of the vandalism, and would not comment on reports that Director of Animation Jason Query and Animation Coordinator Robert Cook were under suspicion.

The vandalism is apparent in a scene in the animated film where a female rabbit kisses Thumper, who thumps his foot furiously until the female touches his nose. When his foot stops moving, the rabbit has some sort of marking on his thigh. On close inspection, the marking appears to be a tattoo that bears a remarkable similarity to Denise Lockner, a screenwriter for animated films and occasional voice actor in animated films.

According to the time capsule, we find that even more people are getting on the FDC bandwagon.

The following is a list of the ten most ludicrous positions in the Future Disney Cabinet:

10.

Head Veterinarian and Owl Resucitator

9.

Interpreter for Donald Duck

8.

Executive in charge of keeping Robert Cook's Disney files up to date and available at a moment's notice.

7.

Walk-Around Jessica Rabbit in the Theme Parks

6.

Cryologist in charge of maintaining Walt Disney and Michael Eisner

5.

Vice President in charge of counting the grains of sand encircling Bay Lake at WDW.

4.

Thesis Disertation consultant to Goofy

3.

President, Artic Disneyland

2.

Head of Prosecution Team suing the Editor of DIS' 'n' DAT

And the most ludicrous job in the Future Disney Cabinet is...

1.

Head of the Official Disney Tatoo Policy Enforcement Team

FDC Annual Report

The Landmark Sydney Opera House was altered as part of the park construction to wield a pair of black ears on the top, making it instantly recognizable anywhere along Sydney's harbor. Next year's meeting will be held in the Ecuador Hotel located in Artic Disneyland, which is scheduled to open next winter.

The Company reported better than expected financial results for the fiscal year, with a record turnout for the first year at the new Australia Disney World, and finally a profitable year for Euro-Disneyland.

The meeting opened with the election to the FDC board of directors of Jon Rowlinson, the latest member of the FDC.

Mr. Squier mentioned that he was going to continue Michael Eisner's and Walt Disney's dedication to animated features, and will continue to release four new animated features a year plus two "classic" reissues per year. This year's reissues will be "Bambi" (1941) and "The Little Mermaid" (1989). "Sleeping Beauty," which was scheduled to be reissued this year, has been put off indefinitely again, as it has for the past decade or so.

Touchstone and Hollywood Pictures also had successful film products, including "Clinton," ($150+ million box office), the Ferrian/Rice musical "Floozies!" ($100 million), the hit comedy "Relocation Blues" ($80 million), and "Hi, I'm Sean Squier!" ($15 million). This last film was released with the twentieth theatrical Roger Rabbit short "Roger Rabbit for President."

Disney's expansion into other entertainment areas was strengthened by the virtual takeover of Broadway. Strong performances of "The Diminutive Fish-Girl" and the Amberle Ferrian/Tim Rice musical comedy "What's The Name Of That Beast Again, Please?" have been earning record amounts of box office receipts. There are plans for another Ferrian/Rice music-comedy to be released later this year, after the current play starts its world tour in April.

Sean announced that the Company was not going to produce the next "Mighty Ducks VIII" film, due to heavy losses on all installments of the series from numbers II through VII. This is a real departure from the policies from the former CEO, Michael Eisner, who was a hockey fan. Sean announced a new Touchstone film, "The Mighty Quinns," the story having a plot line similar to "The Mighty Ducks," with the exception that instead of hockey players, the film will feature a Water Polo team. Mr. Squier explained that his failure to pick up the next "Ducks" installment in no way had anything to do with the Company's sale of the Anaheim NHL franchise team last year.

Buena Vista Video also posted record earnings, mostly due to Sean Squier's controversial policy of reducing production runs by one half, and doubling the wholesale price. Buena Vista's recent purchase of the animated film catalog of Ralph Bashki makes it a probability that Buena Vista will soon be distributing copies of "Fritz the Cat."

The Disney Afternoon television animated series now occupies a five hour strip of time, from 1:00 PM until 6:00 PM. The FDC's successful acquisition of Saban, spearheaded by Neil Collins, has effectively doubled the output by the Company in the television arena. Many stations in virtually all markets are picking up the profitable series, which is going to be enhanced by a million dollar giveaway contest that will occur during sweeps weeks.

Disney's cable presence has increased last year, mostly due to the Disney Channel's purchase of Home Box Office, Cinemax, and Comedy Channel cable operations from the ailing Time/Warner, Inc. Due to the proliferation of Disney's high quality cable offerings, the Company was able to receive 75% of the cable ACE awards last year. Sean dismissed all rumors of an impending Disney buyout of Time/Warner.

The success of Disney Consumer Products (revenues of $5 billion last year) continued, and the current sales of "Bambi" paraphernalia are breaking records (sources say that the tattooed Thumper doll is mostly responsible for this success). Mickey Mouse is being brought back in a new line of character merchandise called "Formal Mickey" including a line of men's suits and women's evening gowns manufactured by Pierre Cardin. The Disney Stores are posting modest gains despite a shareholder revolt over the loss of MKC benefits.

Through the magic of Disney Video Conferencing, United States President Ross Perot addressed the audience and personally congratulated Sean for his acute business acumen. Perot, now in his fifth non-consecutive term as President, has been under attack by the conservatives in his country due to his sale of the Pacific Block (the former states of Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, and California, with the notable exception of Anaheim) to Japan.

During question and answer time, shareholders again expressed their disapproval of the elimination of the shareholder Magic Kingdom Club card and shareholder-exclusive discounts by constructing a guillotine in the massive lobby. Sean took this opportunity to announce, in a surprise move, that he was reinstating the discounts (which had been discontinued since 1993), and giving every shareholder that had only one share an additional bonus of 10% off for the remainder of the fiscal year.

Sean would not comment on Celebration Australia, rumored to be under development down under, but announced that the FDC headquarters would open in Melbourne on schedule next year.

A couple of shareholders asked Sean exactly how he got the idea to offer free wine in Euro-Disney, which appears to be the move that finally made the theme park profitable for the first time. Attendance for the first three months after this policy was initiated boosted by record levels. Sean shrugged off the accolades, saying simply, "Well, you know those French!" (The French Chef League has subsequently filed a protest and demands an apology from Sean.)

Another park-related question was asked regarding the size of Australia Disney World, which occupies the entire continent. Sean stated that the park is the largest on Earth, and should finally give Disney enough of an area to expand as necessary. Sean explained that the Orlando Walt Disney World was having internal expansion problems, and that he was currently negotiating with the Department of the Interior over the purchase of the Everglades for additional theme park development. He also announced that he was working with Imagineering to determine the feasibility of opening a theme park on the Moon, which was recently purchased by the Company from the United Nations.

The contest will reappear in the next issue (Volume 1 Number 6 / September 1993) of DIS' 'n' DAT with some of the enormous number of responses that we have received.

Side note to eisner@disney.com... I just want to let you know that I have photographs. And you know EXACTLY where I am talking about...

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All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real life is really, you know, coincidental.

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